Consistency, practicing accountability, and being your own parent

I have a distinct love-hate relationship with routine. I find myself continuously pulled in yet simultaneously rebelling against the repetitive day-to-day of existence.

The thing is, I know from personal experience that it comes with tremendous benefit. My routine actions are there (mostly) to support my wellbeing. When I neglect them, I can feel the effects pretty quickly.

The conclusion I’m coming to is that the commitment to doing these things even when I don’t want to — AKA when I don’t “feel like it” — are the moments when it’s particularly important for me to keep at it.

Not to force myself, but to be accountable to myself.

The analogy coming to my mind is one of parenting myself. In the moments where I find my strength of will wavering, I can find the motivation when I shift my perspective to be wider. If I were to be my own parent in the situation, I would hope to understand the consequence of the choices involved.

When I stick to my routine, I feel satisfied, empowered and like I’m making progress. When I drop activities that I know are there to serve me, I feel like I’m standing myself up. My inner parent knows and understands this well. My “wistful self” as I term it, is subject to everyday temptation and whims that are appealing in the moment but unsatisfying in the long run.

My wistful self is childish, needy, and easily distracted, seeking instant gratification and avoiding future-thinking.

I don’t mean to devalue this part of myself. It’s also innocent and free, operating on passion over anything. But it needs to be nurtured, not indulged.

That being said, I legitimately have to be particularly careful with how I manage my energy or else I risk experiencing meltdowns where I just can’t do anything. This is a very real concern.

This again is part of parenting myself, of understanding consequence and remaining accountable for my own state. If I don’t take responsibility for this, who will?

When I show up for myself, all of this is easier to manage, because I know I have my own back. I feel more able to communicate my needs because I legitimately understand that they are needs worth attending to, and part of being accountable means being able to ask for support when I need it.

I won’t always be able to solve all of my own problems, but I’ll always be able to act in a way that at least supports me attempting to solve those problems. Giving myself a solid foundation by showing up every day shows myself that I’m worth taking care of.

It’s not always so easy, but I do what I can every day and trust that my honest, best effort will repay itself down the line.